More about sexual positions after 50 that can help you enjoy lovemaking
Positions you might find less helpful include anything that puts a strain on your muscles or those of your partner, among which unfortunately we would have to include the good ol’ man on top position, although this has other advantages for men because it reinforces very strongly a man’s sense of masculine power.
Sex positions for the over fifties, sixties and seventies
You don’t need to despair: adapting your sexual positions as you age is a natural process, and the information given below can be useful at any age. The fact is, you’ll find out naturally enough what positions suit you at different ages by trying them out. If you find that some positions are now beginning to seem a bit tiring, then you can adapt them. It’s not as if you have to use these positions just because you’re middle- or post middle-aged!
In any event, boredom is the greatest enemy of sex and it helps to have a repertoire of foreplay techniques and sexual positions so you can ring the changes. Six to nine sexual positions can bring wide variety into your sexual experience and will make all the difference between boredom and excitement – here are a few sexual positions which are effective and won’t tire you out.
By the way, paunches, both male and female, have an awkward tendency to get in the way and to prevent really close physical intimacy in many sexual positions. And, if you have a bed with a solid footboard, it can be helpful for both partners, because, if the most active partner lies far enough down the bed so that his/her soles press firmly and quite flat against the footboard, the movements he/she is required to make during sex need not be so vigorous. By pressing your soles against the footboard, a leverage is obtained which allows your pelvic movements to be greatly reduced and yet be just as effective.
If either of you is a bit on the fat side, you will get the closest penis-vagina contact with the woman above, kneeling. The man lies on his back and the woman kneels astride him, just above his penis. When she has put your penis into her, she sits down on your upper legs.
If you, the man, press the soles of your feet firmly against the footboard, when you need only thrust with your pelvis slightly, so that your buttocks do not leave the bed; in fact they need not move at all. This means they will not be tensed, which is the cause of the tiring due to more vigorous in-and-out thrusting movements.
If you tried woman on top sex when you were younger, the woman probably rode up-and-down on your penis. This can also be quite tiring. It is scarcely tiring at all, however, if the woman, taking hold of one of the man’s hands with both of hers, instead of raising herself up and down, rocks backwards and forwards. At the same time, the man maintains contact with her vaginal entrance and vulva by a slight upwards movement of his pelvis, and with his free hand, he can stimulate either her nipples or clitoris.
Having the soles of your feet pressed firmly against the footboard also helps to reduce the need for more vigorous movements in the traditional man on top sex position. Instead of making in-and-out thrusting movements, you will find that you can make rhythmic rotary movements with your pelvis, so that your pubic bone never breaks contact with your partner’s clitoral area.
Only when she has already reached orgasm and you wish to bring yourself off, need you begin thrusting movements; it’s surprising how much less tiring these are when made with the soles of the feet pressed against the footboard.
As a variation on the man on top sex position try having both the man’s legs inside the woman’s, or placing just one leg outside one of hers.
if you are the man, your inside foot should press against the footboard. In this position the penis lies in the vagina obliquely, and its movements at this angle provide sensations for the woman which she does not experience when the penis goes straight into the vagina. You can either make rotary movements with your pelvis, or you can make long, slow thrusting movements. The point is, that with your foot making a purchase on the footboard, you don’t have to tense your buttock-muscles, nor make such use of your pelvic muscles, both of which are tiring.
A variation of the “woman kneeling above the man” is to have the woman on top facing away from the man. If she leans forward a little, and places the palms of her hands on her knees, she can go forward and back on your penis. In this position, the penis is bent forward against its natural angle, and the top of the shaft is pressed hard against the upper vaginal wall – the area of the G spot – which can provide extremely pleasant sensations for the woman.
You should make the following movement: with your feet pressed firmly against the footboard, in rhythm with your partner’s movements, you make a movement as though sliding back and forth on the bed. Do this by starting off with your knees very, very slightly bent, and then push with your feet before relaxing; then push again and relax once more. You need move only two or three inches along the bed at most, but this is sufficient to bolster the woman’s movements, and so both come out of the encounter much less tired.
If you are both quite slim, you can enjoy intercourse lying facing one another on your sides. You will have to sort out the positions of your legs, so that you get the best penis-vagina contact. Again, at least one foot of each partner can press against the footboard to make it less tiring.
Another side by side sexual position excellent for the over-fifties is that in which the woman presents her back to her partner. But here again the couple have to be fairly slim for the penis to get in far enough to give the woman worthwhile sensations. The man should press his lower leg against the footboard and put the other over the top leg of the woman.
For variety, there is a woman on top sex position which is not at all tiring and uses only part of the bed. You, the man, lie with your back on the bed, buttocks protruding over the edge of the bed supported by a stool or a chest, like a blanket chest.
The woman gets astride you, and lowers herself on to your penis, either facing you or with her back to you. When she has guided your penis into her vagina, she sits down on your upper thighs. If she is facing you she rocks backwards and forwards, or if she has her back to you, she supports her hands on the chest or stool and raises her buttocks up and down.
Her feet should be firmly on the ground both for frontal and rear entry as this prevents her from getting tired. You do not move at all, but should concentrate on using both hands to stimulate her breasts, clitoris, or vaginal entrance in the front position; in the rear entry position you should place a hand on each buttock and assist her gently as she goes up and down. This gives her very pleasurable sensations.
If you use any of the positions which are performed on a chair, see that the chair is low enough so that both you and your partner can place your feet firmly on the ground. The best rear entry sexual position for having sex after fifty is the standing one, in which the woman leans forward supporting herself on a table or ledge with her hands, and the man stands behind her.
Maybe she will have to stand on a low stool or a box, which should be absolutely firm and wide enough for her to stand with her legs slightly apart, to obtain the most comfortable adjustment for differences in height.
If you use the rear-entry position in which the woman kneels on the bed or floor and leans forward with her head supported on her arms, the man has to kneel behind her, and this can be quite fatiguing if the man has to adjust his height – as happens in nearly every case – in order to get good penetration.
Guidelines about the kinds of things that men find satisfying and pleasurable when a woman is stimulating the penis.
First of all, women seem to be afraid of hurting the man and use of touch which is much too light… perhaps here, they’re thinking of the sort of touch they like for their own clitoris. However, for a man, a much firmer touch is required when you stimulate his penis.
Furthermore, you need to do this in a confident way; a tentative touch can be very unarousing, possibly even irritating. Although a light touch can be preferable to a firmer one just before and after ejaculation, in the early stages of stimulation firm and confident are the watchwords (unless he tells you different).
A good way of achieving the right kind of pressure and stimulation is to use both hands, well oiled, sliding them up the penis and circling them over and around the head of his erection. Other possibilities are to stimulate his penis with one hand while you gently cradle and massages his testicles, or to rub the skin of the scrotum between your fingertips.
Most men love to have the testicles gently rolled within the scrotum, while licking them can send a man to heaven, especially if you are stimulating his penis at the same time. The important thing – no, the essential thing – is to communicate with each other.
This may be one aspect of his sexual behavior which definitely needs to change: many men are not familiar with how to communicate about intimate matters with their partners. But communication produces a deeper understanding of each other’s sexual needs, and this will in turn produce a sense of closeness and intimacy.
While you stimulate his penis with one hand, you can use your free hand to explore other parts of his body, whether that is his testicles, his nipples, chest, scrotum, belly, thighs, or his perineum and anus. One of the keys to making your touch arousing for him is to do it in a way that is both graceful and smooth. That comes from confidence, mainly. You definitely don’t want to touch him in a way that feels frantic or is constantly changing.
But the only way of knowing exactly what is right for your man is to have him tell you when he would like something different. This is no different from you telling him how firmly or quickly to stimulate your clitoris.
Such feedback should always be communicated in a positive way: for example, “I love it when you do that, but it might feel even better if you just slow down the movement.” It’s almost essential when you’re massaging your man’s penis to use a good quality lubricant.
Many of the oils used in massage or aromatherapy can provide him with a beautiful experience, but even simple, straightforward almond or olive oil is a beautiful lubricant… always use plenty, and if you’re adding the aromatic essential oils used in aromatherapy, make sure that you only add them in the quantities used for aromatherapy, which is often one single drop in a considerable amount of “carrier” oil.
If he’s never had an oily massage to his penis – a lingam massage – he may well be astounded by how good it feels as you slide your oily hands over his penis, up and down his shaft, over his glans, around his testicles, and perhaps even over his anus and perineum. remember also that using slow oily massage strokes on the penis is a great way of teaching him how to slow down his sexual responses and last longer in bed.
Above all, what he wants from you is controlled and consistent stimulation. Remember that it’s the glans, the head, of the penis which is the most sensitive part. This probably means that you need to use a different touch for the head & shaft of the penis when you stimulate them. Too much pressure, and movements that are too fast, may be uncomfortable. But once again, why not simply ask your man what feels best to him, or even have him show you what feels good, using oil as a lubricant when he masturbates?
One of things that you need to remember if you’re going on from manual stimulation of his penis to sexual intercourse is the possibility of the lube getting into your vagina. Would you want oil inside your vagina? If not, you can use a water-based lube like Probe or Astroglide, which contain slippery compounds that are neutral on body tissues. Or you could just wipe his penis clean of oil before he enters you.
One of the things you need to remember when you make love to a man of 50+ is that besides having a less reliable erection in the first place, he may also lose his erection from time to time during lovemaking or foreplay. This is normal for men of all ages, but can happen more often with an older man. A little encouragement should restore his hardness. Whatever you do, don’t comment adversely on the loss of his erection – be confident and bold!
Another change: the angle of erection gets lower as a man gets older. For a man who is accustomed to having spent decades with his penis firmly sticking up towards the heavens throughout lovemaking, and perhaps also for you, the sight of his penis “dangling rather than angling” during sex can be alarming if not discouraging!
However, a decrease in the angle of erection is entirely normal as a man ages. You can experiment with stroking his penis in different positions to see if that makes his erection harder, but bear in mind that as long as his penis is hard enough for penetration and enjoyable intercourse, it is just as hard as it needs to be.