The Causes of Delayed Ejaculation
Delayed Ejaculation: Making Love Normally
At first sight delayed ejaculation (DE) seems to be a very difficult sexual problem to explain — at least compared to what we expect of men sexually.
For example, we all know about the problems of a man who ejaculates too quickly. Most therapists think a man with premature ejaculation is oversensitive to sexual stimuli, and possibly over-aroused during intercourse. Treatment of premature ejaculation is comparatively easy: you can discover the emotional issues that make a man respond to sexual stimulation with an exaggerated degree of arousal.
That isn’t too difficult, and when you know what’s causing him to come quickly, you can give him techniques that will increase his sexual confidence and reduce his anxiety.
This in turn will make him less likely to ejaculate too quickly. Simple, yes?
But what of the man who finds it difficult to ejaculate at all, except by his own hand during masturbation? The man who has delays in reaching orgasm?
In general men who can’t ejaculate tend to feel sexually inept and often express a degree of anxiety about their inability to reach orgasm.
Generally, the man’s partner will also feel deprived of satisfaction and pleasure. She may also feel a low level of self-esteem if she attributes her partner’s delayed ejaculation to her own lack of sexually attractive qualities.
Video – causes of delayed ejaculation
When a man with delayed ejaculation looks for help, it often becomes clear that he has had the problem for years, if not decades.
And his seeking treatment is usually the result of a situation that has become unbearable for the couple. (For example, the woman wants to have a baby, or she refuses to accept the situation any longer.)
What makes this more challenging is the fact that there hasn’t been a huge amount of research carried out to understand how delayed ejaculation treatment can be successfully accomplished.
And that’s surprising because it’s a common problem; the reality is that it occurs in about 1 man in 16.
But many men who have difficulty ejaculating are reluctant to seek help. Of all the sexual dysfunctions, this is probably the most private and least talked about. (That in itself might give us a clue about the nature of the condition, because it hints at sexual shame. )
With the right combination of therapeutic techniques, which may include looking at a man’s early experiences and beliefs around sexuality, as well as teasing out any relationship issues which are playing out in the sexual dynamic between a couple, treatment is often very successful.
Of course, when underlying emotional issues play a part in any sexual dysfunction, there has to be a willingness on the part of both the man and his partner to look at what might be causing the problem.
Here, some understanding of a man’s fears, any traumatic experiences that he’s had in his past, or any harmful or negative relationship interactions may well speed up the cure of delayed ejaculation and give a man the opportunity to enjoy “normal” sex more quickly.
The causes of ejaculatory difficulties and the treatments available and the effects that ejaculatory problems have on a couple are well known, but not everyone agrees on a formal scientific definition of the condition, but one thing is clear: a man who has great difficulty achieving climax during sexual intercourse, or who cannot do so at all, will be very well aware he has a problem, whether or not he believes it needs to be cured.
Delayed Ejaculation Solutions
All men want to be able to ejaculate during intercourse in a normal way. There’s a fundamental drive in everybody, in all men, to be able to enjoy intercourse naturally, and to bring it to its natural conclusion – which is, simply put, ejaculating inside the woman.
A lot of women also see it this way, and when a man is unable to ejaculate as the culmination or climax of intercourse, they tend to believe this is because they are either unattractive, unarousing, or unsatisfying to him.
Men with delayed ejaculation may just not find their partner very desirable. Or, indeed, very arousing. But whose “fault” is this? At some level, it’s highly likely that a man’s feelings towards his partner (or the whole nature of the relationship) plays a major role in the origins of delayed orgasm. Maybe that’s why a lot of men with this problem seem to think that if they find another partner, they’ll be able to overcome the difficulties they’re experiencing in reaching climax!
Of course, that rarely turns out to be the case, and if he has an affair it may make things worse because he isn’t dealing with emotional stuff which he will take into his next relationship….. and so he may do the same thing over and over….. because the problem lies in him, not in his partner… So if you’re in this situation and you’re hoping to overcome delayed ejaculation, it’s probably wise to engage in treatment with your current partner.
And there will be benefits outside the bedroom: being able to ejaculate normally during intercourse seems to promote intimacy on an emotional level as well as a physical level, so treatment can improve your relationship significantly.
Delayed Ejaculation Explained
The hidden problem of delayed ejaculation
A study in Europe on delayed ejaculation found that one man in twenty had severe delayed ejaculation. As you might expect, the frequency of delayed ejaculation increased with age. Astonishingly, eight percent of married men and men who had partners experienced delayed ejaculation. There was little difference between white collar and blue collar workers. The most disturbing fact of all was that the vast majority of the men had had delayed ejaculation for over a year, but only a meagre 1% had asked for or received any treatment.
Delayed ejaculation means that a man is consistently and perhaps recurrently unable to ejaculate. The researchers selected men by age and location, using 23 random samples of 600 men in Europe. They sent out a reply-paid questionnaire by mail and in it asked questions on medical history and medical treatment, social status, sexual behavior and sexual function. Of the questionnaires were posted, 70% were returned with a full set of answers. These men were aged between 18 and 85 years. For the purpose of this study they were grouped by age. Delayed ejaculation problems occurred in 6% of the whole sample.
Video – delayed ejaculation
Both the frequency of occurrence and the severity of delayed ejaculation increased very significantly with age, particularly after a man reached 45 years of age. But even 7% of the young men aged between 19 and 29 years had delayed ejaculation. Unsurprisingly, this was less than the men in the next older age groups.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, there was a decline in sexual activity in men of 70 years and older. Over 70 years of age, sexual activity declined sharply. But a significant number of the men over 60 and over 70 were sexually active. Of the ones who were sexually active, just over 50% said they were having sex on a regular basis. Of the other quarter who were not living with a wife or partner, 45% were sexually active – and indeed 40% of these men said they had sexual intercourse on a regular basis. A majority of the men were employed, though 30% had retired on grounds of age and 5% had retired on the grounds of ill-health.
The occurrence of delayed ejaculation wasn’t really much different between blue collar and white collar workers. What is less surprising is that delayed ejaculation occurred most often in men from economically deprived areas. We know stress is a potent factor in causing a loss of a man’s sense of male power, so there is nothing surprising about that.
Most of the men with DE had their difficulties for more than 1 year, and a whopping 65% had had delayed ejaculation for more than two years. And 4% said they had been suffering for more than 30 years. And the longer it went on, the worse it got. Yet only a meager 1% had ever looked for and got any treatment.
Most studies on delayed ejaculation have looked at men aged between 45 and 75 years, but this study covered a much bigger range. To this extent, then, it represents the entire spectrum of adult men. You have to assume that this is typical of the results in much of the Western World, and it is truly shocking.
Men in the 20 to 29 age group appeared to have more DE problems than the 40+ years age group. Possible explanations include commonplace stress of early adulthood such as new relationships, new work responsibilities, and stress linked to leaving home. Among men aged between 35 and 70 years severe delayed ejaculation occurred in 5%. In fact, the age of a man is far less important than any other factor in determining whether a man has an DE.
Both the frequency and the severity of delayed ejaculation increase with age. And since the older age groups were under-represented in the study, the true frequency of DE in men may have been higher than the recorded levels of 8%.
European demography is changing rapidly, and the proportion of men aged 65 years and older will increase dramatically in the years to come. This means DE problems will pose huge emotional problems if men choose to seek help, which currently they are not doing.
The majority of the participants in the Health Study from where these results are taken, were married or had partners, even though an astonishing 15% or more of these men were not enjoying an active sex life. Of the men aged 70 years and older, a fair proportion remained sexually active.
All these findings matched the results from a large scale project in which over thirteen thousand men from 30 countries were asked about their sexual behavior. Over 80% of men in this study aged between forty and eighty said they’d had sexual intercourse within the 12 months preceding the study. Among the men who were sexually active, 50% said they had sexual intercourse regularly.
When the authors compared men who had never been married with those who were married or had partners, they found that having never been married was linked to an increased chance of having delayed ejaculation. Fewer married men have deayed ejaculations than non-married men.
Analysis of the results of the study also showed that being separated or divorced may be one of the predisposing factors for delayed ejaculation. DE has previously been associated with greater emotional stress.
Of the 700 men in the study who reported on the length of time for which they had endured erection problems,60% had had the problem for between two and five years. This matches other studies where 60% of men with the problem were found to have had delayed ejaculation for this period.
In spite of delayed ejaculation being a common and often long-standing condition, only 1% of the men had ever received any treatment. This suggests that there is a need for sexual education and awareness information at every level.