So you want great sex after fifty and beyond?
Here are some ideas to keep your sex life fresh.
First of all, talk about sex with your partner.
This may be difficult for you to begin with, but this first step is about resolving problems of communication. Reticence, inhibition and embarrassment make us “doers” rather than “talkers”; and yet wherever you find a sexually happy couple, you will find a couple who have been able to talk to one another about their desires and their experiences in the most intimate terms.
The older you get, the easier this should be, so that talking about sex when you’re older ought not, in the natural order of things, to present you with any difficulties whatsoever. In fact, it is essential for a couple to be able to talk to one another about sex if they are to establish real sexual connection.
Believe me, it’s possible for any couple to overcome their inhibitions in talking about sex. And to have a great sex life, you have to succeed in this.
But there’s no need to set yourselves too high a standard, especially during sex itself. A word or two – “Come into me”, “Are you coming?” “Was it all right?” – will break the ice, and if helped along by gestures such as taking the partner’s hand and placing it on the breast – or penis or clitoris – and whispering, “Play with me here” it should not be too difficult to establish effective two-way communication.
At the same time that you’re setting up better communication, you should also be observing your own and your partner’s responses to foreplay and intercourse. The sort of things you will want to know are:
- How often do you feel the urge to make love and how often does your partner?
- Have there been any changes in his/her genitals after 50?
- Are there any forms of foreplay or sexual activity which are especially exciting to him/her?
- Is there a sex position for intercourse which seems to be particularly enjoyable or effective?
- Does your partner seem satisfied with his/her orgasm?
And so on. But don’t just observe these things – talk about them as fully as you can. And that is especially true if you are a man who does not know to last longer in bed for men and control his ejaculation so that he can pleasure his partner sexually. A great deal is going to depend on your attitude to sex. Often men have a more open approach to sex than women. Why? Well, a woman’s arousal need not show – even if she’s naked – but when a man is sexually aroused, it is difficult for him to hide his erect penis even if he’s fully clothed. Thus while the protective folds of a woman’s labia could be seen as hiding her sexuality from public view, the erect penis is the outward sign of a man’s masculine sexuality.
So, clearly, this difference in attitude to sex is partly caused by society, and partly by our nature: but if you do feel inhibited, it’s a good idea to either start talking to your partner about how you feel, or maybe even see a counselor to discuss the situation.
Sex is fundamentally the most intimate of all human relationships: value it, and talk about it. If it is the visible symbol of your love for one another, then there is every reason for complete openness of thought, speech and action between the two partners in the privacy of their bedrooms. There should be no holding back at all between a loving couple, in the whole area of sex, whether it be in discussion or in action.
Video – how to enjoy sex after 50