So you want great sex after fifty and beyond?
Here are some ideas to keep your sex life fresh.
First of all, talk about sex with your partner.
This may be difficult for you to begin with, but this first step is about resolving problems of communication. Reticence, inhibition and embarrassment make us “doers” rather than “talkers”; and yet wherever you find a sexually happy couple, you will find a couple who have been able to talk to one another about their desires and their experiences in the most intimate terms.
The older you get, the easier this should be, so that talking about sex when you’re older ought not, in the natural order of things, to present you with any difficulties whatsoever. In fact, it is essential for a couple to be able to talk to one another about sex if they are to establish real sexual connection.
Believe me, it’s possible for any couple to overcome their inhibitions in talking about sex. And to have a great sex life, you have to succeed in this.
But there’s no need to set yourselves too high a standard, especially during sex itself. A word or two – “Come into me”, “Are you coming?” “Was it all right?” – will break the ice, and if helped along by gestures such as taking the partner’s hand and placing it on the breast – or penis or clitoris – and whispering, “Play with me here” it should not be too difficult to establish effective two-way communication.
At the same time that you’re setting up better communication, you should also be observing your own and your partner’s responses to foreplay and intercourse. The sort of things you will want to know are:
- How often do you feel the urge to make love and how often does your partner?
- Have there been any changes in his/her genitals after 50?
- Are there any forms of foreplay or sexual activity which are especially exciting to him/her?
- Is there a sex position for intercourse which seems to be particularly enjoyable or effective?
- Does your partner seem satisfied with his/her orgasm?
And so on. But don’t just observe these things – talk about them as fully as you can. And that is especially true if you are a man who does not know to last longer in bed for men and control his ejaculation so that he can pleasure his partner sexually.
great deal is going to depend on your attitude to sex. Often men have a more open approach to sex than women. Why? Well, a woman’s arousal need not show – even if she’s naked – but when a man is sexually aroused, it is difficult for him to hide his erect penis even if he’s fully clothed. Thus while the protective folds of a woman’s labia could be seen as hiding her sexuality from public view, the erect penis is the outward sign of a man’s masculine sexuality.
So, clearly, this difference in attitude to sex is partly caused by society, and partly by our nature: but if you do feel inhibited, it’s a good idea to either start talking to your partner about how you feel, or maybe even see a counselor to discuss the situation.
Sex is fundamentally the most intimate of all human relationships: value it, and talk about it. If it is the visible symbol of your love for one another, then there is every reason for complete openness of thought, speech and action between the two partners in the privacy of their bedrooms. There should be no holding back at all between a loving couple, in the whole area of sex, whether it be in discussion or in action.
Video – how to enjoy sex after 50
Keep the sexual flag flying high!
In these early stages of “mature sex”, and until you have established a new rhythm of sex, you must deliberately use every technique you can think of. So, for example, experimenting with sex positions and techniques and adventurous foreplay may help you keep an active sex life.
If you more or less gave up sex some time ago, the best way to make a new start is to use a wide variety of new sex techniques and positions, to experiment with new ways of satisfying each other, and to ensure that you have good communication between the two of you.
On the other hand, you won’t be able to use all the techniques you might have enjoyed in your earlier days, because of the physical limitations imposed on you by your age. At the same time you must have a variety of techniques on which to ring the changes in order to prevent boredom creeping in again.
Don’t be inhibited. For example, a lot of women dislike engaging in fellatio. Many women’s refusal to suck their man’s penis is based on the fear that he will come in her mouth, or that the semen will have an unpleasant taste. Most men want to be pleasured in this way, but not necessarily to orgasm. They may prefer oral sex as part of love-play, to build up sexual excitement, so that when they come with the penis in the vagina, the final sensations of orgasm are as magnificent as they can be.
Women ought to know that many men have a powerful desire to be given oral sex, to be fellated. Even if your partner hasn’t told you so, he will probably want fellatio (if you didn’t know that, it’s a sign of a lack of good communication!). Probably he has been dying for you to do it to him, and hasn’t liked to ask you – quite simply – “Kiss my penis,” “Suck my penis”, or “Go down on me, please” because he has felt you might object or be offended.
Appearing naked over 50: how are you about appearing naked in front of each other? With the blemishes and weaknesses which almost certainly appear in the middle aged body, there’s a natural tendency to some reticence in appearing naked.
But your partner has a right to know by sight the body with which s/he is going to enjoy sex. Perhaps, if you have let yourself go physically, letting your partner have a good look at you will encourage you to take your appearance in hand more vigorously.
So get rid of your clothes when you make love: the sensual response of naked flesh against naked flesh is one of the most powerful stimulants there is. And when you pass 50, you cannot afford to overlook any aid to sensation you can think of, or anything that comes your way!
Set boundaries. So it helps for the female partner of a man in mid life, even if communication hasn’t been good up this point, to make quite plain to him now what you are and aren’t willing to do with him sexually. And of course, this includes oral sex.
If what holds you back from fellatio is the fear of him spurting his semen into your mouth, tell him so. He may not want to come in your mouth, or if he does he may well be willing to compromise by telling you when he is about to come and then having you finish him off by hand.
Be equal. If a woman is totally honest, she has to admit that the caress of her partner’s lips and tongue on her clitoris, vaginal lips, outer and inner labia, and her vaginal entrance is among the most exquisitely sensuous, voluptuous sensations she can experience. Men find fellatio just as pleasurable.
Equally if you have the urge to be the recipient of cunnilingus, do not fail to tell your partner. You will be surprised at how quickly he will agree to pleasure you, his woman, in this way. All you have to say is, “Kiss me down there,” or “Lick my pussy”, or “Go down on me.”